Crazy Town
by imSiriuslyLupin4you
Summary: Sirius Black moves to a new town and meets a borderline Schizophrenic boy, a teenaged mad scientist, a ghost in his closet, a bipolar girl, and a beautiful cross dressing boy who claims to be a werewolf. Non-Magic AU SB/RL
1. Chain Reaction

**YES, I know that I owe people fics and YES I know that I need to update my chapter fics, but my mind is dead and I need to post SOMETHING and im going crazy and please don't yell at me. :( I'm going mental…**

**So…. This is an AU… SBRL, what else would it be? XD**

**SUMMARY: After his Father leaves, Sirius Black moves to a dinky little town with his mother, his geeky brother and his cat. Sirius soon makes friends with his crazy-haired borderline schizophrenic next door neighbor and his bipolar girlfriend, the ghost in his closet, a teenage mad scientist, and a alleged werewolf of Lupin Manor.**

**WARNINGS: Non-Magic, AU, Mild Slash, Stupidness….**

**WARNINGS 2: This may not be finished… Why? Because I need to focus on my other fics. But I will try. That I promise.**

**WARNINGS 3: This used to be a different thing, so if you see an unfamiliar name… sorry…**

**WARNINGS 4: Another Warning….? * sigh * Okay, so this is non cannon. So that means that Walburga is nice, and Peter is dead, and Moaning Myrtle lives in Sirius' bedroom closet, Lily and James are dating, Remus has no self loathing, and Sev is friends with Sirius and James and LILY is the one who hates him… **

Ever wonder why every little choice you make changes the path your life is on? For example, imagine that you have a big two hundred and fifty-point test tomorrow, and you don't feel like studying so you decide to text your best friend, telling them you need help preparing for the test. they invite you over for a group study session. You go to their house ready to study, but end up playing video games for the next six hours. This causes you to forget about studying for the test which determines whether you pass or fail, and you go home without studying.

The next day you go to school, and realize halfway through P.E that you have a huge test next period and you forget to catch the football that is hurling toward your face and it hits you on the head giving you a killer headache. Your gym teacher sends you to see the school nurse for an aspirin and a chunk of dirty ice wrapped in a dirty towel. And because of that your late to your next class, so your about a page and a half behind every one else on the big test, causing you not to finish, and because of you failing to study, you skip a bunch of important looking questions.

Two weeks later you get The Test back with a great big D- plastered on the front and an e-mail home to your parents. Your father, seeing this, gets so pissed off at you that he yells at you for about an hour and forgets about your mother's birthday, so he runs (drives) to the nearest store for a card. And while he's searching for the perfect birthday card he runs right smack into his High school Sweetheart who, coincidently, is searching for the perfect birthday card for _her _husband.

They start to chat and decide to meet for coffee. During coffee they fall back in love with each other and start a steamy affair. In doing so, your father arouses your mother's suspicions. Your mother, being prone to overreaction, hires a private detective. The private detective, who is just doing his job, follows your father around for a couple of days and discovers that he is seeing Another Woman behind your mother's back, and reports back to your mother. Your mother, being slightly impulsive, calls the Other Woman's Husband, and tells him everything. They decide to 'surprise' their spouses, and show up at the exact same cafe where your father and his High school Sweetheart are having lunch. When they see each other, both your parents (who both just LOVE being at the center of attention) make a huge scene, and the Other Woman's Husband, who just happens to be a Divorce Attorney, whips out a divorce contract, and your parents fill it out, right smack in the middle of the cafe.

When you parents come home again (in separate cars) they tell you that they are splitting up. At around half past really friggin' early the next morning, you're awakened by the sound of shouting. You run outside where all the noise is coming from, and you see the High school Sweetheart waiting in a crappy old minivan with 'My Son is A Honor Student' stickers plastered all over the bumper. Your father, who normally wouldn't be caught dead in such a vehicle, is tossing his Burberry Suitcase set (the one your mother gave him for Christmas) into the trunk of the minivan, yelling that he'll come back for the rest of his stuff when he and the High school Sweetheart settle down. You and your mother come out of the house because you have to watch as Your Father and the High school Sweetheart drive away.

That night when your brother comes home from a sleepover at his rich friend's house, you tell him everything because your mothers too sad. When you're done your brother starts yelling at you, screaming that it all your fault. When you ask why, he tells you that if you had just studied for the fucking test like you were supposed to, none of this would have happened. Later, when everyone is asleep you stay up and think that your brother is right.

**First chapter… hope you liked…**

**bye**


	2. Padfoot Hates Screaming

**THANK YOU ALL THOSE WHO REVIEWED! I realize that the last chapter was annoying and long and blocky, but it was a monologue…. But I understand your frustrations and I shall never write a monologue ever again…. v.v,**

THREE MONTHS LATER

"But why?"

Mum glanced at me and groaned.

"Quit your whinging... It's not the end of the world. We'll only be a couple of hours away."

"Why do we have to move now? It's my senior year. What's wrong with next summer? You know, _after_I graduate."

"Sirius, for the umpteenth time I bought this house so we can spend more time together as a _family._ Besides we already sold the house." Mum was fed up with my constant complaining.

"Dad would have stayed." I muttered, slumping down in my seat.

Mum slapped her hand down on the steering wheel. "Then maybe you should have stayed with Dad!" Mom shouted. "In that dinky apartment, with that prissy, perfect new wife of his!"

I scowled. We had been fighting like this since Dad left with _her._ I would make the tiniest complaint, and Mum would blow up like a bloody volcano, and yell at me for what seemed like hours.

"Can we listen to some music?" My fourteen-year-old brother Regulus blurted, slipping in between our argument. "I made a really cool road trip CD."

"Wait until we get to the highway." Mum smiled tensely into the rearview mirror. "Why don't you read a book or something?"

Brody shrugged. "I don't feel like reading."

I sighed. This was going to be a long trip. Not only was I stuck in the back seat with Brody, and my puppy Padfoot, I was also surrounded by a bunch of miscellaneous items including, snacks, a checkerboard and a couple of rolls of toilet paper and about fifty million other random items that wouldn't fit in the trunk. My brother was squished up against his window with his cheek pressed against the cold window, playing his game, His breath made circles of fog that disappeared almost immediately.

I leaned my forehead against the cold window and stared out. We drove in silence for a while. The familiar streets and landmarks turned unrecognizable. I stared out of the window. The urban scenery flew past in a confusing blend of bright colors. The blurry scenery whizzed past in a flurry of colors and shapes. The reflections of the digital clock and the dashboard danced in the window making dizzy patterns in the glass that seemed to want to jump out at me and take me back to their home in the window.

Once we hit the interstate, Regulus asked again about his music.

"We'll put it in when we stop for gas." Mum barely glanced over her shoulder.

"But you said that we could put it on when we got on the highway." I immediately sided with my brother.

"Sirius, I am trying to concentrate on the road here!" Mum snapped. "Can't you just wait with the music?"

Regulus sighed dramatically. "I'm hungry."

"You're always hungry, Fatass."

Mum scowled at me, then turned to Regulus. "You just ate an hour ago."

"I'm hungry again."

"We can eat when we get there."

"You just don't want to stop." I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. "Can we at least put Reg's music in? We can turn it off if it sucks." Regulus looked at me, insulted.

"Fine." Mum growled. "Fine. Regulus, give me the music."

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Regulus flinch back into his seat. "We don't have to listen to it." He mumbled. "I'll read a book or something."

Mum huffed angrily. "Regulus! give me the music!"

Regulus gave her the CD with trembling fingers.

Mum stuffed the CD into the player and jabbed at the play button as if she were poking Dad's eye out. 'Life is a Highway' started to play loudly through the speakers. No one moved to turn it down.

I listened to the hum of the car's engine underneath the pounding music, as it traveled down the charcoal grey asphalt road, occasionally bumping over slightly covered potholes and deep cracks in the street.

Regulus' road trip CD had played twice before anyone spoke again. "Sirius?" Mum glanced at me in the rearview mirror as she yawned hugely.

"What?"

"Would you mind driving for a bit?"

"Yes."

"Can I drive?" Regulus asked sleepily. "I promise not to crash."

"Don't make promises you can't keep." I stretched pushing a sleeping Padfoot off of my lap. "You know I'm a lousy driver." I said.

"Sirius, please. I'm about to fall asleep at the wheel."

"Okay."

"'Okay you'll drive' or 'okay you don't care if I fall asleep?'

"The later."

I heard Mum sigh deeply. I knew that this move was as hard on her as it was on me, but I couldn't seem to find it in my heart to forgive her for making us move. It wasn't just leaving before the second to last stage in my education and leaving all my friends, but also leaving the place of my birth, and the place of my childhood. Most of my memories took form in the small town that was my home.

"Sirius? _Sirius_, did you hear me?"

My head snapped up, and I realized that Mum had been talking to me when I was lost in my thoughts. "What?" I asked stupidly.

"Sirius, were you even paying attention?" I saw Mum's tired eyes peering at me in the rearview mirror, and for a second I felt a stab of pity. But only for a second.

"Mum. This is me you're talking to. Of course I was paying attention."

"Okay then. If you were paying such good attention then what did I just say?"

"Uh… you said that… that you love me and we're moving back home?"

"No. We are not moving back."

"Damn…"

"Don't swear. We're getting near a town and I need to stop for gas. Ask your brother if he needs to take a quick wee."

I made a face at the back of Mum's head, and twisted myself in my seat to face the not so innocently sleeping Regulus and started to stare at his face intently. After about two minutes my awesome hypnotic gaze seemed to penetrate his thick skull and seep into his subconscious.

Regulus' eyes flickered open and widened in surprise and fear. "AAAAUUUGH!" he opened his mouth wide, and let out a strangled yell. The sudden and loud sound caused Padfoot to bark in alarm, scamper into the front seat and accidentally bite Mum's right hand. Mum screamed, pulled her hand away from the steering wheel and stuck her, now badly bleeding, hand in her mouth, her left hand accidentally knocked over the ever-present cup of steaming Starbucks coffee onto her lap. Mum screamed again and tried to mop the coffee off her jeans with her t-shirt. With both of Mum's hands occupied, the wheel started to spin out of control and the car swerved dangerously close to the edge of the road.

Inside the car there was a scene of total chaos. Regulus was clutching at his heart and screaming at me about how mean it was to scare people, and that if we all died then it would be my fault. I was screaming at Regulus to suck it up and it would not be my fault if we all died it would be his for screaming like a girl and scaring Padfoot. Mom was screaming at _both_ of us to shut up, we were not going to all die and to please stop screaming. Padfoot was barking like the insane little mutt that he was because everyone was screaming and evidently he does _not_ like to hear the sound of people screaming.

Suddenly the car gave a sickening lurch and there was a terrible sound of asphalt grinding against the bottom of the car. We all stopped screaming and stared at each other in horror.

"Mum?" Regulus whimpered. "Was that-"

"Shhh!" Both Mum and me shushed Regulus at the same time. Mum looked out her window, what she saw must have greatly disturbed her because she made a sound like a wounded buffalo moaning, and when she pulled her head back from the window her face was the color of milk gone sour.

"What-?" Regulus started to say, but was interrupted by the car suddenly pitching forward, and tumbling downhill. The car flipped over again and again. We were being tossed around in the car like one would toss a salad. Then the car stopped abruptly. We were upside down and still bound in our seats by our seatbelts. Padfoot however, being a puppy, was _not_ wearing a seatbelt and had sunk his teeth into Regulus' headrest and was shaking like he had just been let out of a freezer.

"Sirius? Regulus? Are you both okay? Is there any blood or broken bones?" Mum asked from her upside down perch in the front seat.

"Yes, I bit my lip." I snapped, spitting out blood onto the floor- wait- onto the ceiling.

I heard Mum groan. "I'm fine. Regulus?"

"I'm cool." Regulus' voice was unnaturally high and squeaky. Even for a fourteen year old…

Padfoot barked, confirming that he too was okay.

"Okay, good. That's good." Mum seemed to be talking to her self. "That's really good."

"This it's the opposite of good." I muttered.

"Mummy?" Brody asked timidly. "Um…how're we going to get out of the car?"

Mum snapped back into reality. "Oh. Uh… we can just unbuckle our seatbelts and unlock the door. We're within walking distance of a town where we can get help."

I stared at the back of Mum's headrest in amazement. "Mum, are you sure you didn't hit your head? If we let our seatbelts go we'll fall on our heads and get a concussion or if I'm lucky maybe I'll break my neck. "

"Well, I'm so sorry Sirius!" Mom sounded close to hysterics. "I'm sorry that I'm the only one in this car that has a shred of an idea in her injured head! I don't hear you voicing any of your brilliant ideas!"

Mum rarely lost her temper with me and almost never yelled. She didn't even yell at me that one time when I was five and I used Dad's electric razor to make Chihuahuas out of all my stuffed animals. (No, seriously! That's exactly how they look when you shave off all their fur.)

"God, I'm sorry." I muttered to myself, but apparently I was loud enough for Mom to hear me and comment on my choice of words.

"Don't say 'God'."

I rolled my eyes.

"Regulus, do you have any suggestions?" Mum asked.

"Well we can just sit here and wait until someone finds us. Is that a good idea?" Regulus asked meekly.

""No."

They both ignored me. "That's probably the safest thing that we can do at the moment." Mum sighed, and shook her head. "I can't believe were here."

"In the middle of nowhere?" I asked.

"No, in this situation." Mum let out a shaky laugh. "Last time is was in a predicament remotely like this I was a freshman in collage."

"What happened?" Regulus asked eagerly. Geek.

"No one cares." I snapped

Mum started to reply but Brody interrupted. "Mum?"

"Yes, Lovey?"

"My nose is bleeding."

"That means that the blood is starting to go to your brain." I said to Regulus. "But don't worry, in a few minutes you'll be unconscious and wont feel a thing."

Regulus whimpered. Then a light shone in the cars windows and temporarily blinded me.

"Hello? Is anyone in there?" A male voice called and I heard footsteps thudding around the car.

"Baby, there's no one." A very whiny female voice pouted. "Lets leave."

"No, I heard voices." A second male voice said. "Someone's in there."

**Yes, I know that this is awful…. But my mind is dead, and I need to WRITE! Speaking of writing, I'm working on Good Boys! :D**

**Please tell me of I'm being _too_OCC!**


	3. The Absence of Bad

**So… this chapter is from James' POV. It wouldn't work from anyone elses, though I don't think that he seems that insane in this chapter… BUT I _do_ think that he is rather in character….. XD**

I've always been a lonely sort of guy. I've always had friends, but no REAL friends. I mean, I used to have friends I hung out with at school, but I could never really TRUST anyone. Not even my super busy parents. They never had much time for me so I mostly just hung out with a couple of the outcasts and tried to stay out of trouble.

So far I have failed miserably. I just can't seem to behave. I TRY to be good! I really DO! My heart is as pure as driven snow! It's just that events well beyond my control conspire against me. I'm usually just an innocent bystander, you know, caught at the wrong place at the wrong time.

I'm really a good kid! A good kid with a good heart and a quick temper. I'm good, good, good, from the moment I wake up until the moment a thought enters my head! Not the best example, but I really AM a good person.

Well, it's really the whole question of good. I mean, how good do you have to be to qualify as good? I haven't _killed_ anybody (yet). That's good right? I haven't committed any felonies. I didn't start any wars. I don't practice cannibalism. I don't steal. Wouldn't you say that's pretty good?

Moony would say, 'Good is more then just the absence of bad.' and that bothers me, because evidently all of the authority figures in my life agree with Moony. They want me to be _good_, good. Like, more then just the absence of bad good.

Ironically a chance to be good as in not the absence of bad good, but _good_ good is lying in a suspiciously smoking heap in front of me. I pointed my handy dandy flashlight into the window of the upturned car.

"Hello? Is anyone in there?" I called, walking towards the car.

"Baby, there's no one." I turned to look at my girl friend Lily Evans. She was scowling. "Lets leave."

"No, I heard voices." My best friend, Severus Snape, said. "Someone's in there."

"Well, then you should get your head checked." Lily snapped.

"Your mother already did that, but thanks for the offer."

"You asshole."

"Whore."

"Creep."

"Ginger."

"_Will__you__just__shut__the__hell__up__and__let_ _us__out__of__this__fucking__car?__!__"_

Severus smirked and turned to Lily. "See? I _told_ you that there was someone in there."


End file.
